


The Smell of Death

by sherlockian0



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Death, Depression, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Graphic Description, Hurt Derek, Hurt/Comfort, Loss, M/M, Memories, Pain, Reaction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-16
Updated: 2013-07-16
Packaged: 2017-12-20 10:07:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,630
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/885995
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sherlockian0/pseuds/sherlockian0
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Boyd is dead in front of him and Derek cannot cope with the truth.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Smell of Death

_Everything I touch gets hurt. Everything. I couldn't save Mom and Dad. Couldn't save Laura, can't save Peter, I'm messing up Cora. And now... now I- I. Jackson, Erica, and now..._

Derek heard a soft whine start up from somewhere in the room. It was pitched so high that the other wolves had to plug their ears and ignore their grief momentarily while the humans looked around in confusion. He had heard that whine before, right after his family's death and again once Laura's body had been found. Then it had started up a few weeks ago after he found Erica and held her corpse in his arms. He had always been  unable to pinpoint the area from which the sound had come from, and tonight was no different. It seemed to echo around the room, expanding into every corner and wrapping under each crack. It was the sound of anguish and guilt, that much he did know since he recognized it in himself. But, Derek couldn't bear to hear it right now, not with his baby sister right there in front of him. She shouldn't have to hear his personal tormentor who has followed him from state to state, always haunting him, always whining so high.

He moved his head side to side, searching for the being who constantly made that noise.

Isaac and Cora were both staring at him in shock and pity, with what seemed like a hint of fear right underneath. He couldn't understand why they were starting at him because if he had the choice, he would never look at his own face again.

Derek had yet to look down at his hands, covered in Boyd's blood from when he ripped the sensitive lining of his beta's abdominal muscles and burst the lymph nodes there, making it impossible for him to heal. He couldn't look down because the blood was still dripping from his fingertips, directly onto his thighs. If he looked down he would see the evidence of what he had done, another life he had destroyed, and the reason why that whine was back.

But Derek couldn't cope with the truth... Boyd was just hurt, it was a flesh wound and he would heal from that. Derek's beta, his friend, had come back from worse. He had been crazed after being denied the moon for so long, but he managed to pull back from that; so, he could pull back from this. Just because he was hurt by an Alpha didn't mean anything, it would all be okay-

There was that whine again.

Derek could hear the noise gaining strength. The piercing sound hurt his head and he rocked back and forth on his knees, trying to escape the pain but unable to move away from Boyd's body. Derek's rocking was short and stunted, with him pressing back on his heal hard enough to bruise the bone. He almost sighed with the pain... it felt so good to concentrate on something else.

But no matter the pressure on his heal, he couldn't get his mind to slow down. The image of Erica's rotted corpse kept flashing in front of him, filling him with such pain and remorse that he soon lost sight of the room that he was in. Then his mind showed him the image of Laura's torso as he buried it in the  ground, trying to preserve her memory while her guts spilled over his hands. He had scrubbed for hours after that, trying desperately to get the stains to go away and for the flesh to edge itself from underneath his nails. But, the stench had been the worst thing. He had smelled his sister's decaying body for days. It had covered him, consumed him, and he had thrown up every time he smelled food. But that wasn't nearly as bad as seeing the charred remains of his parent's bodies mixed in with his aunts, uncles, cousins, and siblings. The smell of burnt flesh had rooted itself deep within his sense memory, finding a home there that continued to batter him to this day. The flesh had the smell of fried meat that was rotten and unsanitary. His mother's perfume had clung to her skin, turning the fried stench into something a bit fruity and tart. It had startled his nose the first time he smelled it, but it was that, mixed with the smell of rotten milk and putrid cheese that had been his family's intestines, that had turned his stomach.

He had had so much pain and death in his life that recognizing its smell was nothing new to him.

That was why the sudden change startled him from his memories.

Boyd's body had just taken on the smell of a living being without oxygen. The CO2 was disappearing, the water was evaporating,  and the flesh had already started to crinkle.

He was gone. He was really gone, and Derek could do nothing but rock back and forth as he listened to the whine invade his mind.

"Derek."

And it was all his fault too. He should have been stronger, he should have overpowered Ethan and Aiden.

"Derek."

He should have protected his pack! And now... now another one is dead. He is dead and he wasn't even 17 years old.

"Derek, stop."

He took away Boyd's life, his plans for the future, his chance at happiness, his talents, skills, hopes, dreams, everything. Everything that was Vernon Boyd was now gone because of him.

"Derek, shhhhhh. It will be okay. I promise, it will be okay."

Someone was holding onto both of his shoulders, gripping the muscle there.

"Derek, I think you're scaring everyone. I know it hurts, I know, but I need you to come with me. Can you do that?"

Stiles. It was Stiles and he was saying something about scaring people. It didn't make much sense to Derek, but nothing made much sense at that point. He tried to stand but couldn't seem to make his knees work. Instead, they collapsed under his weight and brought him back to his original position, kneeling next to Boyd's corpse.

"It's okay," Stiles said, "we can just stay here." The weight of one of Stiles' hands lifted from his shoulder and Derek could see him motioning for the others to leave. The room was quiet for a moment until Isaac's feet came into view. He helped Cora pick up Boyd and they started to carry the body towards the door. Once they reached the threshold, that incessant whine started up again, lonely and scared, and Isaac flinched while Cora's head dropped down, trying to hide her answering noise.

As soon as they disappeared around the corner, Lydia pulled Jennifer to her feet and ushered them both out. A moment after that, Stiles moved to kneel in front of Derek. The young man took the Alpha's hands and slowly lowered them to towards the floor. He submerged them underneath the water and started to wipe away the blood as carefully as he could. During the washing Stiles kept his eyes on his task and also kept his words to himself. It was the quietest that Derek had ever seen him, and it was so bizarre that he forgot to focus on anything else. But when the blood was all gone, Stiles looked up and stared straight into Derek's eyes, refusing to let go of his gaze.

Derek had no idea how to deal with the intensity behind those brown eyes, had no idea what to do with the harsh truth staring right at him, not allowing him to hide from his mistake.

"What you did was not your fault."

Derek started and then responded, his voice monotone. "You weren't even here."

"No. But, I know you and you would have never hurt him on purpose."

"I didn't hurt him, Stiles, I killed him, that's two completely different things."

Stiles paused and then closed his eyes tight. Derek could see him grappling for a control that didn't exist at that moment, and right before his face cleared, Derek saw a single tear escape Stiles' eye.

Stiles opened his eyes again, a sheen of tears gathering and shimmering in the moonlight. "Yes, that's true. But, he's with Erica now."

At that, Derek's back lost its rigid hold and was no longer able to support his weight. He pitched forward, crashing into Stiles' chest and forcing them to the ground, water splashing around them as their bodies thundered together.

Again, the room was silent but for Derek's harsh breathing, Stiles' hammering heart, and the ever present whine. But, it couldn't last.

"Derek, Derek listen to me. You gave Boyd the chance that he had always wanted. To be part of a group, to have strong ties with people, to be dependable and be able to protect others, and to be happy with what he had been given. Yeah, not all of it was smooth sailing, but you gave him a family, Derek, and that's worth something. So, don't think that you took everything away from him, okay? Don't think that your actions screwed up his life, because you're wrong if you think that, you hear me?"

Derek didn't say anything in response. All he could do was wrap his hands in the front of Stiles' shirt and pull the young man closer. When Stiles was pressed up against him from toe to chest, Derek clung even harder and buried his face into the younger man's neck, trying to calm his breathing. But, the attempt was too much for his shattered heart to bear, and Derek broke down. Sobbing wrenching tears riddled with his pain and guilt, he lost himself in the warmth that held him tight until he knew nothing but darkness. 

**Author's Note:**

> No excuse for this. It's how I think the scene would have continued.
> 
> No betas on this one beside myself, so all mistakes are mine.


End file.
